DECATUR, Ill. (WAND) - To anyone who's ever suffered the loss of a loved one, the holidays can often serve as a reminder of who they're missing.
Two local woman wanted to share how they're navigating loss, and help others who are on their own grief journey. As the two often say, "You never outgrow the stages of grief."
"Somebody described it as a net. It's a big circle and there's this net, and this criss-cross that looks more like a spider web because we go back to grief or the depression, you know and we think we're at the acceptance, then we're back in the bargaining and then we're in denial again," explained mother, Gloria Martin.
Five years ago Monday, Gloria lost her son Silas to cancer. In her first year of grief, she wrote a book. In her fourth year, she sought the support of other moms dealing with loss. This year, she says, she's drawing strength by remembering more with smiles than with tears.
"When Silas was on hospice, he made me promise to, on the day he passed, fill the front yard with balloons, to tell everyone it was a celebration. That he was throwing off all of the handicaps that were cancer-induced, that he was running into the arms of Jesus," she shared.
For a season that's supposed to be 'merry and bright,' those dealing with loss can find themselves in an especially dark place.
This includes mother Amy Gillen. This is her first Christmas without her son Tanner, who passed away after his battle with cancer in January.
"I was getting the Christmas stuff out and I came across his stocking, which is the biggest of all of our stockings and it says his name," Gillen recalled. "I quickly decided that this year we won't hang stockings and I'm not going to put out ornaments because it takes my breath away."
The two women are sharing their stories to help others who are grieving this holiday season.
"We're all at different stages and we all handle it in different ways," Martin said.
"Don't minimize your feelings ever," Gillen cautioned. "Don't stop crying because you don't want to make anyone else in the room uncomfortable. Don't avoid subjects to make everyone else comfortable. This is about your grief, and about you receiving exactly what you need."
They also hoped to help the loved ones who want to support those that are hurting, but don't know where to begin.
"To ask questions like, 'How are you right now?' Not 'How are you?" and leave it open-ended, but 'How are you right now?'" Martin explained. "And to say things like, 'I don't know what to say,' is so much more helpful than something that's trite or, 'He's in a better place.'"
Several Central Illinois hospitals offer grief support groups or programs. Here's where people can learn more about them:
- HSHS St. Mary's Hospital
- Decatur Memorial Hospital
- Carle Home Health
- HSHS St. John's Hospital
- Sarah Bush Lincoln
Gillen says #TannerTough is another great resource for families walking through a tough season of life to connect with.
